I got an email from Linda, who asked, “What shall I do? I’m about to open my bakery, which is something I’ve been wanting to do forever, but the people closest to me have been trying to talk me out of doing it. Why would people do that?”

Here’s a different perspective that might provide some value for you in terms of why people would do that.

I have a client named Kacey, who longs to be a wife and mother. She and her fiancé Nick have been together for a year and a half, but Nick doesn’t want to set the date for the wedding until he’s financially set up to take care of Kacey and the family they plan on having together. Things seem to be going great for them—except for the fact that Kacey would like to get married sooner rather than later—until last week. Nick came home from work and told Kacey that he’s decided he wants to be an actor. Kacey was like, “Noooooooooooo!” because she could see her dream fading away with this new dream of his.

So some people don’t want you to go after a dream because they’re hitched to wagon, so to speak. Another reason some people don’t want you to go after your dream is because they’re authentically concerned for you and don’t want you to have to go through the heartache of not fulfilling your dream.

The real thing to concern yourself with is not what the naysayers are saying, but, rather, what you’re going to do with what the naysayers are saying! Are you going to use what they’re saying to fortify you or to take you out of the game?

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this subject. Have you been allowing other people’s negative feedback to take you out of the game? How can you flip that now in such a way that you use it to fortify you? Tell us about it! Please share with us; we want to hear what you have to say.

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Thanks for being here. Have your life make a difference.

Let’s face it; we’ve all dealt with the situation. No matter how evolved or spiritual we’d like to think we are, there have been times when someone has done something, said something—or failed to do something—and we’ve gotten angry, upset, hurt, or resentful about it.

This post was inspired by an experience of my own. A while back I involved a friend of mine in a business project. Despite our best intentions the project did not go as we’d originally hoped. She left and took the project and the people involved with her.

I was crushed. I was ticked! I couldn’t understand how a person could do that.

For a half a second I thought, “Oh! I’m going to do something to get back at her!” But that makes no difference. The quote from Confucius says it best, “Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.”

It was constantly on my mind and holding me back. I was unwilling to live like that, so I came up with a two-step process for dealing with resentment. While two steps might seem simple, they require you to dig deep. Here they are:

1. Step One: Ask yourself what you can own — what you can take responsibility for — in the events that happened.
2. Step Two: Find something about the other person or the turn of events for which you can authentically be grateful.

In my own experience I saw that I could absolutely own that I’d not really been myself with her. I didn’t bring myself forward; rather than being the powerful, confident woman I am, I allowed her to be the leader and I acted “less than,” in our business partnership and friendship. No wonder she didn’t want to stay. Nobody wants to admit that kind of thing, but it’s true. Sometimes the truth hurts. But the truth will always set you free!

For the second step—find something about the other person or the turn of events for which you can authentically be grateful—I realized that she left me with a real and tangible gift: she introduced me to someone who is one of my dearest friends in the world. For that, I am profoundly grateful.

Don’t misunderstand; the point of this two-step process for giving up resentment doesn’t mean that you agree with what the other person did; it does not mean that you condone their actions. Rather, it means that you are choosing to set yourself free. And to no longer be tethered to that person and situation moving forward.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this subject. Who or what are you willing to give up resenting? What action steps or tools do you use when you notice you’re being resentful? Please share with us; we want to hear what you have to say.

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Thank you for watching and reading. Have your life make a difference.

I got invited to a wine tasting this weekend. While I adore the person who invited me and I love wine, I hesitated. Why? Because I was going to have to face a demon: previously I’ve not been myself at wine tastings.

Let me explain.

As a kid I had a traumatic brain injury, and, among other things I was left with no sense of smell and virtually no sense of taste.

In the past when I’ve gone to wine tastings it’s weird…I mean, yes, I like to try new types of wine, but I’m really not trying for the taste, and I’m definitely not trying them for the “nose.”

I like to read about the wines; I like to know the story behind them. Where did they grow? What’s the soil like there? What’s the weather like? What are the people like there? Who grew the grapes? What’s the history of the vineyard and the varietal itself?

If I can sneak away for a minute at a wine tasting and read up on the wine, that’s cool; I’ll sip on a pinot noir and read to my heart’s content, or I’ll discuss with the wine rep while I taste a few of their treasures. Those things I enjoy.

It’s when they ask me to smell that things get dodgy. They’ll say, “Smell this one,” or something to that effect and I’ll explain that I can’t smell and then they’ll say “Oh, but this has a very strong scent,” or something that makes no sense whatsoever and is the equivalent of asking a blind person to look one more time at your sunflower, “Because it’s really vibrant yellow.” No smell equals no smell.

Where I get into trouble is that I just start faking it. They hand me a glass and I say, “It smells wonderful!” or some nonsense, and before long I realize I’m not having a good time and I wonder why.

Consider that we never have a good time—not really—when we’re pretending to be some one or some thing that we’re not.

Often times we think there’s no harm in pretending to be someone or something we’re not—especially if no one else notices—but if that’s the case we’re not aware of what it costs us.

Author, marketing genius, and new thought leader Seth Godin says the only thing that’s going to make it these days is something that is remarkable—something so unique that you are compelled to remark about it.

I believe that something truly remarkable in this day and age is a person who is truly willing to be themselves. In a world of conformity—of pretending to be “normal,” it’s a remarkable act to be fully yourself. Anyway, being “normal” is so overrated!

I’ll leave you with the words of Seth Godin, “How can you squander even one more day not taking advantage of the greatest shifts of our generation? How dare you settle for less when the world has made it so easy for you to be remarkable?”

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this subject. Where have you been pretending to be someone or something that you’re not? Are you ready to give that up for good? Tell us about it!

Thanks for reading and watching!

My eleven-year-old nephew just came to visit for a week during his spring break. One night we were sitting at dinner and out of nowhere he said, “Ouch! Ooh, it hurts so bad!” I immediately asked him what was wrong; he told me he was having growing pains. I’d totally forgotten about growing pains!

If you have young kids, I’m sure you’re familiar with them, but if it’s been a long time since you had them yourself you, too, may have forgotten all about growing pains…and how good they can be!

So what do growing pains have to do with feeling worthy or not? I’m getting there.

A client of mine was just promoted after only a month of us working together. In her new position she has people reporting to her — an entire division of people reporting to her — and she’s nervous about it. On our last call together she said, “I’m not prepared to have this accountability! They’re going to find that out and then they’ll know that I’m a fraud.”

Have you ever experienced that same fear?

I know I have; just this week I was selected to give a TEDx talk. Despite the fact that I’ve been a public speaker since 1995, I was suddenly terrified. I mean, many of the people I admire most in this world have given TED talks or TEDx talks and I thought, “Who am I? I’m just a cowgirl from Colorado.” Then I started to really get in my head about it; I have epileptic seizures from a head injury I sustained as a teenager. One of the contributing factors to having a seizure is stress, so for a minute I worried, “Oh joy. I finally get a TEDx talk…what if I have a seizure in the midst of it? Now THAT will make my video stand out for sure.”

I stopped, breathed, and took the coaching that I’d given my client earlier that same day. Here it is:

The only reason we have those occasional, “I’m not ready,” or, “I’m not worthy,” conversations is because we’re pressing up against the box in which we’ve been living.

We’re having those conversations in out minds as a direct result of going through a state change like the caterpillar does while inside the chrysalis. If you don’t feel terrified on occasion; if you’re confronted with, “Can I do it?” or the “I’m not ready,” and the “I’m not worthy,” conversations in your head, then consider you’re not stretching yourself; you’re not growing.

Just like they are for my eleven-year-old nephew, growing pains are a good thing.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on your own growing pains — or lack thereof — and what actions you’ll take now.

Thanks for reading and watching!

I was watching American Idol at the beginning of the season. A girl was super excited as she went into sing for the judges…they didn’t like her…she left shouting, “You’ll be sorry!”

Have you ever felt like that?
I know I have; who hasn’t?

A client of mine is a hairdresser. Lately she’s had some bad reviews written about her online. What was most upsetting for her is that the person who wrote the bad reviews didn’t even come to her first, so she could make it right. Now she’s got negative critical remarks about her online–where they will last forever.

Whether you’ve gotten negative remarks online or not, have you ever noticed the impact of someone’s criticism can often last forever in our minds. No matter how many good things have been said to us, it’s often the negative things that we hold on to.

Can you relate?

After years of being a coach for hire, it was a big deal for me to swing out on my own and start my own company. Despite the fact that I’ve spoken in front of thousands of people I have a shy side — I don’t know if it’s because I grew up with a brain injury and epilepsy or what — but it took months of going back and forth deliberating over the decision before I was finally ready to “go public” and build a website and put myself out there for the world to see.

I finally did it and immediately got a “dislike” on one of my YouTube videos. Now it may seem like, “Whoop dee doo, what is one dislike?” But I tell you, that dislike made me want to take everything down again and hide.

Then I realized, “You know what? Critics are going to do what they do…some people are always going to judge and they’re always going to criticize.” That’s a fact that’s never going away.

So now what?

I realized that criticizing the critics makes no difference, and going after and fulfilling your dreams would be a hollow victory if you were doing it to make them sorry instead of doing it to make yourself happy.

In a minute I’m going to share with you a Theodore Roosevelt quote on critics. I hope you love it as much as I do.

But I invite you to listen to the quote from the standpoint of it bolstering YOU, not criticizing the critics. They’re on their own path and you can bet they’ve got critics of their own.

Rise above them. Be your best you and compete not with them but with yourself.

Alrighty! Take it away, Mr. Roosevelt!
“It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.”

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this subject. Using the comment box below, let us know how you deal with critics (or how you’re going to now!)

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Until next time–
Go strive valiantly, you champions, you!