Ask a dozen relationship experts to reveal the key to healthy relationships that work, and you’ll likely get a dozen different answers. For laughs, I just Googled the question and came up with 30,700,000 results – they range from “listen better,” to “communicate boundaries,” to “engage in lots of eye gazing.” I shit you not on that last one.

It’s not that I don’t appreciate your gorgeous eyes and all, but today’s video is about doing something that actually works.

Are you ready for the counter-intuitive secret you can apply to make your relationships work? Drumroll, please? It’s fighting.

No, I’m not talking about fistfights. I’m talking about the verbal arguments and disagreements that are bound to happen in virtually every relationship. Since they’re pretty much a given, and we can’t keep disagreements from happening, it’d behoove us to learn how to fight so we can keep ourselves from doing lasting damage to our relationships, right?

In the heat of the moment, we may want to hurt someone. It’s tempting to say the meanest thing, tear ’em down a notch, and “win” the argument without thinking about the consequences. But winning against someone we care about makes us feel terrible … not to mention it can do irreparable harm to the relationship itself.

If for a minute we forget how much we love someone, we’re sure to say something we’ll regret.

Fights are bound to happen. It’s a part of the process of getting to know someone better, or being in relationship with them long-term. It doesn’t mean we’re bad people, bad partners, or bad friends. Everyone has to deal with a little bit of friction to reach a mutual understanding. But there’s a difference between destructive and constructive fighting.

Reconciliation and better understanding are the goals of constructive fighting.

The video has some tips to help both you and those you’re in relationships with become more “successful” fighters. You’ll learn to disagree without hurting each other. In other words, you’ll learn how to prevent a temporary disagreement from causing permanent damage.

After watching the video, share your thoughts in the comments section below. In your experience, how does fighting effect a relationship? What are some methods for keeping a clear head? When have these methods not worked, and what were the consequences? I’d love to hear from you.

Don’t be scared to FIGHT! (As long as you’re doing it the right way, that is!)

Always in your corner,

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